Enough

Coffee. Diapers. More Coffee. Repeat.

This just about sums up my days lately, with 2 daughters under 2, both in diapers, my life is very chaotic and unpredictable. Between wiping away tears and changing diapers, I haven't had much 'me' time to write or read or do much of anything! But I would never change it, I am absolutely in love with my life. I used to want to be an ultrasound tech, to spend my 20's focusing on me but now that I'm a mom, I realize the other plans God had for my life. This is what I was meant to do with my life.

Savannah Nichole Thompson was born at 1:06pm on November 16th, 2016. Weighing 8 pounds 4 ounces, and 21 inches long! Much bigger than her sister! Her delivery was much easier than AnaLynn's, we still had the hemorrhage complication, but this time they found the cause. I am very anemic. I am so grateful for the life I have with Jonathan and our girls, even if there are the normal struggles of not 'enough' money, not 'enough' sleep, and not 'enough' wipes to finish that diaper change! I learned that even if there isn't enough of the little things, there is more than enough love to help us through the rough spots.

We have so many changes happening in the next 10 months that are definitely going to put a lot of stress on our lives but once we can get past them I know things will be so amazing.We just need to focus on God and all of his promises.
By the end of the year, Jon will be graduated, starting his new job with HVAC, we will celebrate AnaLynn's 2nd birthday, our 4th anniversary, Savannah's 1st birthday and we will Lord willing be buying our first home together, or atleast moving once again, the 5th move together since we got married.

Off My Chest

With chasing a determined 1 year old, I never officially announced it as a blog post, and definitely didn't post nearly as much as I did during my pregnancy with AnaLynn but we are expecting our second little lady in just a few weeks! Our emotions are everywhere! 

Excitement is an understatement! We are so excited AnaLynn will have a little sister, sure we expect fights and some spurts of jealousy but overall we are hopeful for lifelong friendship. 

Nervous-ness is definitely another emotion we are experiencing, well I am at least. With AnaLynn I couldn't wait to just have her already, to hold her in my arms instead of the womb, but this time, I just want to keep her inside for as long as I can, since the moment we got the '2 pink lines' I've had constant flashbacks to the moments with AnaLynn in the hospital when she was first born. I'm absolutely terrified the same complications we experienced 16 short months ago with happen again.

I recently joined a bible study for moms of littles, and it has definitely been wonderful for me. It helps me refocus and reminds me God is in charge of it all. I know only God can control these things and I need to give up my fears and just pray, but sometimes it isn't always that easy for me. Knowing I have a group of friends, other moms, who can relate to my struggles and are there to listen without judgement is the greatest blessing in my life.

I'm a "planner." I make lists for everything and constantly have to know the exact schedule, what will happen and when, and most importantly I like knowing everything with be okay. 

I'm sure if our experience with AnaLynn's birth was different I'd be just as eager as I was with AnaLynn but for now, the longer I feel these kicks, and know she is healthy and breathing, the more relieved I feel. 

Rescued From Myself

I grew up being the oldest of 5 children, raised by my mother, and my grandparents. In a home where Christianity was never brought up at the dinner table. We didn't go to church on Sunday's, and I honestly can say I don't think we even had a bible in our house. My family was never spiritual, and it wasn't until my middle school years that I went to church for the first time (that I can remember, that is).

In middle school, my best friend at the time, Heather took me to youth group with her every Wednesday and I slowly started to begin and understand how to read the bible, and how to worship God. At the time, I knew I wasn't yet ready to accept Christ as my savior because I felt as if I needed a clearer understanding. I had a wonderful youth pastor who I was able to talk to about anything, but being a part of such a large group of middle and high school aged children who grew up in the church and knew all the things that confused me, I couldn't exactly ask the questions I needed to understand the gospel. 

Heather and I grew apart as the years went on, we both ended up with different friends, and I stopped going to youth group. I moved, and ended up becoming friends with people, and doing a lot of things I regret.      During my junior year of high school, I met Kylee at work, and we became very good friends, she was there for me during some of my worst moments and helped me grow stronger as a person, I lived with her the summer Jon and I started talking. When Jon and I started hanging out more, and eventually started to date, he invited me to start going to church with him. To say the least, I was nervous, I knew he grew up in a Christian home and I didn't think I would be welcomed into his life or into his family, to my surprise, that wasn't the case at all. I was able to join in on bible time with his family, and it made me really start to think about Christianity and made me want to better understand the gospel. When Jon left for Basic Training the February of my senior year, I decided to use that time to really focus on my spirituality and take time to do more research and understand what it meant to be a Christian, it was during that time I decided to accept Christ into my life. 

Accepting Jesus as my savior meant a lot to me, I prayed a lot and confessed my sins and asked for forgiveness for all my past mistakes, and asked for guidance in my life. Jesus gave up his life for us, for our sins, and so we could be forgiven. We have all sinned at some point in our life, and we will continue to sin, which is why as a Christian it is extremely important to pray and ask for forgiveness, to read the gospel and ask for Salvation. By giving his life up for us on the cross, he was showing love and mercy for us, God offers us more than any one of us deserves, more than we could ask for, and by doing so, as Christians we must share the gospel, read and believe the gospel, and love one another as he loves us! It is important to me to read, know, and understand the Gospel, however I constantly return the Ephesians 2:1-10. Knowing we were saved by grace through faith, and God gifted us with grace, shows me his everlasting love for us. Ephesians 2:8-9 made it very clear to me that I did not have to “earn” salvation, which was a gift, and knowing what I know now, it was the greatest gift of my life.

I know I still have a lot of work to do, as does any Christian, but God loves me anyways, through all my flaws and mistakes, things and people will constantly leave your life, but God never will. Each day I grow stronger to Christ, I pray each day and I try to read more and more of my bible, I have a personal goal to read my entire bible before I get baptized, which I am hoping will be this summer.
            I want my daughter to know and love the gospel, it means a lot to me that she grows up in a Christian home, so she isn’t as confused or lost as I once was. I’m hoping as she grows older we can continue to teach each other more as we both learn and pray together. 

-15-

It's December 28, 2015, and in just a few days, it will no longer be 2015, and that means we are closer to leaving the place I call 'home.'
This brings tears to my eyes, both happy and sad. This year has been wonderful to me, a few obvious reasons such as the birth of AnaLynn, as well as my 21st birthday, and our 2nd marriage anniversary! I would be lying if I were to say I wasn't scared of 2016 however. My little bug will no longer be a baby, she will be turning 1 in less than 6 months, and we will be moving back to Iowa from Alaska either shortly before her birthday or soon after. This is the part that brings the sad tears to my eyes. Alaska was where Jonathan and I shared our first home together, where we started our family, and it holds so many beautiful perfect memories, as well as the bittersweet memory of AnaLynn's birth. I feel so lost leaving, I'm not sure where we will live in Iowa, and I really am not sure how we will be financially speaking. I am sure of one thing though, I am completely positive that the Lord will help answer our prayers and show us the reason we are being pushed in this direction. I will miss being able to take walks and worry about moose, or bears. I'll miss the antler arch at the Morris Thompson Cultural & Visitor Center, the Aurora Borealis dancing outside our bedroom window, and the 24 hours of daylight all summer long.

Alaska is where I met my best friend, Arianna, it's where we have seen friends come & go, as the Army sent them away, it's where AnaLynn took her first breath, and it's where I consider home. I don't know if we will ever visit again, but I sure hope we can, so we can show our daughter where we spent our first years married, had our first home together, and where she was born.
2015 was our last full year in Alaska, and it has flown by far too fast. Life truly is a roller coaster, and it doesn't stop to allow you to fully catch up, this year I have learned to appreciate the little things, appreciate any time you are given with friends, and family, and to just enjoy life-the good and the bad, because it seriously goes by, faster than you think.

Failure

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if I'm a 'good enough' mom to my daughter. Is letting her play alone or cry for 3 minutes while I catch up on dishes, or laundry really a good idea, or will she feel like I'm abandoning her. But, at the same time, if I don't let her play alone, will she grow up wanting me to be there the entire time she colors, plays, or walks to the kitchen for some water?

There is an unbelievable amount of controversy around about car seats, formula vs. breast milk, and cloth vs. disposable diapers, and to be honest it is EXTREMELY obnoxious. Does giving your baby breast milk really make you a better mom? No, either way your baby is being nourished. Sometimes, the judgement of how you raise your child really makes you(me!!) wonder if you are doing it the right way, doing it the way its 'supposed' to be done. But watching AnaLynn go from rolling, to learning how to get in the crawl position really makes me realize, who cares if I'm doing it the way other people believe is right, she is thriving the way I think is right for my family.

I will use disposable diapers, because cloth seems like a hassle to me. Sure, I love the idea of saving the planet, and sure fluff is incredibly adorable, but disposable is so much easier for my family. I breastfeed my baby because I really dislike the smell of formula, and I love the convenience of not having to make bottles at 3am, or wake up to make that 3am bottle and not have enough formula. As for the carseat controversy. I will forward face my baby when I believe it is right, maybe she will be almost 1, maybe she will be 3, either way it will be up to my family. There is scientific proof that can go both ways. Well, guess what. If God believes it is time for your baby to leave and join him, it will happen. Whether your baby is forward or rear facing.

No matter what happens, someone will be questioning how you raise your child, but who cares? If you believe you are doing it in a way that makes you, your partner, and your baby happy, that is all that matters.

Last week, my husband and I made a big decision, that will affect our family in big ways.

A few months ago, my husband decided to not reenlist, and just go National Guard in 2016 when his enlistment was up. Well, now, we made the decision it will be best if he reenlists for 2-3 more years. So instead of purging our house, and house hunting in Iowa to find our forever home, we are purging, and looking up pro's and con's of new duty stations! I am extremely nervous, and excited to findout where we are going, and all the places we will be able to visit! The fact that she will be only a year old, our baby girl will be able to live not only in Alaska, but another state too?! So spoiled to get to visit the country so young! Now, onto the frustrating fun part! I get to purge our entire house and declutter, with a baby! and only about 5-6 months to do so!

I know our families might not like this decision we have made, but we need to think about our family now, and what's best for us and our little princess. We need to be sure we will have enough money saved up in an emergency to always provide for her.

Bountifully Blessed

God has definitely blessed my family. 10 weeks ago, AnaLynn was leaving the NICU and being moved into pediatrics. She had a port in her little head for her antibiotics, and we had no clue when she would be able to come home. Now, at 10 weeks, 4 days old, my beautiful baby girl coo's, lifts her head, giggles and has the BIGGEST smile ever! and today, August 20th, 2015; my amazing nicu-grad rolled over, twice, for the very first time! I am so amazed with how amazing she is doing. We didn't know how the outcome would turn out with her complications during birth, I didn't know if we would even leave the hospital with her. I was so scared we would be telling our family and friends, that our little girl didn't survive. But, God definitely knew she was exactly what we needed in our lives, and knowing he had the control over our situation helped calmed my nerves. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, I love how my life is. I love being this girls momma, I love being my husbands' wife. And I love my life so much more since accepting Jesus as my savior. Life really is so much sweeter as a Christian.

{Almost} 9 months and counting

We. Are. Moving.

We are moving!
From the big AK back to corn filled, good ole' Iowa! With a baby.. who will only be 1. It will be almost 4,000 in a car, through Canada, and a week long. We aren't leaving until June, but I am already stressing. I've started digging through Pinterest, finding tips and tricks, things to pack, and working on finding places to stop at! Here's my list of things to pack in the car! What should I add? What tips and tricks do you have? (We are military! So keep in mind, it could be 2-3 months before the movers are able to bring all of our household items!)

CAR

• gas can
• jumper cables
• tire jack/iron/spare
• flashlight
• first aid kit
• toilet paper
• flares
• paper map/milepost

PACKING LIST

• ETS Binder (all important info and docs)
• passports
• phone/tablet/computer/camera/chargers
• cooler/snacks/drinks(water juice soda)
• AnaLynn - couple toys/books/coloring
• small blanket/1 pillow
• jackets for everyone 
• Sneakers for each
• Clothes enough for 2 weeks
• All/most AnaLynn’s clothes in size she wears
• Diapers/Wipes for atleast a week
• Toiletries
• Neck pillows
• sandwich bag with valuable jewelry
• Trash bags
• Towels
• Small stroller

31

My goal in life is to become a Proverbs 31 woman, so I can rest assured that I am doing my best as a wife, mother, and house keeper. I have "mini goals" I add to regularly to try and accomplish this life goal and be remembered by my family in the best way possible.

These goals are based off my understanding of Proverbs 31:10-31..

• become a more understanding wife
• seek faith more often before turning over to emotions
• teach our children the Gospel
• care more about being healthy, exercising, taking care of myself
• serve Jon, family, friends, our children, and neighbors gently
• spend money wisely, seek approval from my husband
• work willingly without any complaints 
• create a warm and loving home atmosphere
• use my time more wisely to complete tasks
• create "beauty" through being classy and modest
• make better use of the hours in each day

..a woman who fears the Lord is to be Praised.. Proverbs 31:30

My Life As A Christian

I am not the kind of Christian I should be. I am not the kind of Christian I WANT to be. Nor am I the wife I would like to be.
Sometimes, when I get frustrated or something goes wrong in our family or home, I don't turn towards Christ first like I should, instead I get mad, upset, and just act childish. But, I am trying to change that. I am trying to become a better Christian, so I can be a better wife.

I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and I didn't really understand how to read the bible, pray, or even know how a Christian should act. I didn't dress or talk modestly, and I found myself in trouble, a lot more than I'd like to admit.
I first started going to youth group with one of my good friends my freshman year of highschool, but youth group didn't really help me understand or come to know the Lord. To me, youth group was always about being with friends and playing games. It wasn't until I met Jonathan that I fully understood how important it is to go to church, understand what it meant to be a Christian, and just let God come first in your life. It was through my husbands family that I learned how important it is to dress modestly, not just because it keeps "guys" from looking at you the wrong way, and assuming the worst about you, but because it shows that you have self respect and confidence. Since I started attending church I have changed in an abundance of ways, I no longer cuss, I dress way differently, and I am so much happier! It's amazing how just accepting Christ as your Lord and Savior can change your life so much!